I once chatted with someone on Feeld who I was not going to sleep with. He had some genuine interest in exploring his kink side so we’d been talking about it from a “kink 101” perspective. Recently I worked on a “kink 101” presentation with KinkEd Atlanta and we had great participation and feedback. We’ll be doing it regularly now.
This gentleman said he had searched for “submissive sex” and “femdom” and found pretty much nothing but male top/female bottom porn. We talked about how it was just porn fantasy and he got it. We talked about safety and communication, public play vs private, what I mean when I say I’m a sadist vs what another Domme might mean. We discussed the Protocol and Power Exchange workshop I went to, and why pegging was a male fantasy – not so much a female one.
These conversations are very rare – most kink tourists just want the fantasy porn version. It’s refreshing, and positive. He was genuinely interested in looking inward, and learning. This is how you make good connections in the community.
I am always interested in the deep dive about people’s kink experiences (or lack thereof). Let’s have a discussion that goes way beyond the physical and into the emotional, the metaphysical, the motivations beyond just getting your rocks off. Many people of course may be happy with a flogging 101 experience and bless ’em – they keep the lights on in the dungeon. But I find kink so much more interesting when you can share your journey, help someone else who is just starting, and have really meaningful conversations about how we all get to where we are going.