The word Domme is a relatively new one in the world of BDSM—it actually originated in the 1990s. Sometimes you’ll see definitions that suggest it connotes a professional dominatrix. However, it has been claimed by many of us females as our own version of Dom (which is simply short for dominant, used as a noun). Historically in BDSM, Dom has been a male descriptor and comes with a lot of toxic masculine baggage. Utilizing the pseudo-French feminization and claiming it for ourselves makes a space for those of us who identify as such.
The word is pronounced “dom”, not “domay”, by the way.
I am a dominant. I have been since the day I was born. It is not something I developed or turn on and off—it is core to my personality and how I walk through the world. It has nothing to do with BDSM or sadism. I fully direct every aspect of my life without seeking input from, or frequently considering, others. I was like this even as a child.
There’s no rule that says I would necessarily be dominant sexually, but I am, and I’m a sadist in the dictionary definition of the word. That also has nothing to do with a BDSM preference—it’s just the way I am hardwired.
What I am not, in BDSM, is a Mistress. I’ll answer to it in a formal setting, but Mistress connotes that somewhere there is a servant or slave, and I’m not looking for that type of relationship. It’s a fun role-playing label, but nothing more.