I was replying to a post on a beginner forum on FetLife (where I give back to the community by sharing my experience), and I got to thinking…
I don’t mind a bit of cheek or sass if I know you and you know me and if I trust that you can read the room. Silliness is definitely a part of my vibe. But I have pretty strong boundaries around this. Maybe boundaries is the wrong term. I think tolerance is probably more apt of a term because some days I’m more tolerant than others.
Let’s say you are over and we are going to play while we are watching the Stanley Cup semi-finals and you chant “Let’s go Panthers” while I’m wearing my #63 Boston Bruins jersey. Obviously there will be a ball gag and much smacking and that’s all fun for both of us.
But let’s say on the agenda this time there is bondage and some fairly painful things. You can be scared. You can be worried. You can tell me that you are. I’m going to consistently make sure you are comfortable putting your discomfort in my hands and can adjust accordingly if it turns out you are not. However… if you think that doing some kind of bratty pseudo resistance (not giving me your arm to cuff or rolling around on the bed to avoid me) is going to be tolerated then we’re done. I’m not going to fight you. I’m not going to chase you. I’m not going to be someone I’m not in order for you to get your brat fix.
Basically if the words or action say “Make me” then I’m going to disengage. If you don’t want to do it then say so. If you want to do it but want me to make you do it then find someone else because I’m not that person.
Some people love the brat taming. I do not. It breaks my scene. It takes me out of top space.