“What do you like?” is one of the most asked questions on FetLife and 99.99% of the time when asked of me it means “What kinky stuff do you enjoy doing to men?” and is asked by men who want me to do kinky stuff to them. They actually have ZERO interest in what I actually like, for myself.
That’s how I tell the good ones from the meh (which is the vast majority on this site, BTW).
I really appreciated @Italian_Domina‘s very detailed bio post. We converge in a lot of ways and diverge in some key ways. This is not a compare and contrast by the way – rather an illustration of how each of us Dommes are unique and individual people.
Before I am anything else, I’m a sadist. A sadist in the dictionary definition of the term. I am sexually aroused by causing (in my case, mostly physical) pain in another person. THAT is what I like. I’m going to put you in bondage some way, torture you, and use you like a giant sex toy. I love love love balancing on the line of keeping you sexually aroused and very uncomfortable, and I love PIV so I’m pretty good at what I do.
Hetero male masochists (dictionary definition) are EXTREMELY rare, just as an aside. That makes me sad sometimes.
After sadism what I love most is living my best, hyper-independent life. So if you want to “serve” me you need to bring something pretty valuable to that particular table. Be able to see me often enough to do my laundry, mow my yard, put together furniture. I love a man who can organize a fun and interesting date (that is a lost skill these days). Show up, pay attention, make my life easier, bring the fun.
If I have romantic feelings for you expect monogamy. If I don’t experience that I will have multiple sexual partners and the odds of you being a primary are pretty low. I prioritize my peace above all else and if you’re not contributing to that I will cut you loose.
Let me just state (again) for the record: I don’t like chastity. I don’t like “sissification” or anything around that as a kink. I don’t like non-stop pegging (see above re: PIV). If you say you’re going to come over and mow my lawn I expect you to do just that. If I have to work in any kind of quid pro quo kink dispenser way to get service out of you then you can find someone else who is into that.
Like @Italian_Domina I’m not about the relationship escalator. I tend to look at connections like being on a set of stairs. Sometimes you go up a couple of steps and then go back down. Sometimes you make it to a landing, hang out there for a while, then slide down the bannister. Every connection is different (which is part of the fun) and no one should ever expect that a relationship of any kind with me is going to last forever. I’ve got shit to do that has nothing to do with having a partner.
Although I am an extremely strong feminist and believe that men are not as evolved either emotionally or as socially as women, I do like men. I like their company and their bodies and finding out about what makes them tick. When I meet a man who has done (and continues to do) the therapy to really dig into why they have fucked up in the past, and they are actively making changes to rectify that; who presents as very secure and comfortable in their skin and their submissiveness… chef’s kiss. That is a man I’m going to be chatting with. Men who understand that the very nature of any relationship is yin/yang but that my wants and needs are are going to lead the dynamic are the best.
If you ask “What do you like?” and are only looking for a kink checklist I highly recommend hiring a professional dominatrix. You get exactly what you want and she gets paid for her labor.