I made a post on FetLife with this title, and then just wrote “This space intentionally left blank.”
I think it confused some people, but it’s a true statement.
A Domme can’t make you do anything, unless they have a gun to your head or are holding your family hostage. In that case they are a violent criminal and not a Domme in a consensual power dynamic.
So much of heterosexual femdom is fantasy. “Forced” feminization, “forced” bisexuality. Forcing you onto your knees or bending over a spanking bench. Forcing you to be bound so nefarious things can be done to your body by someone society has says is weaker than, less than you.
That we would have to force a man to bend the knee is the crux of the problem, for me. If you don’t want to bend the knee then I am not going to expend energy making you think that I’m forcing you. I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not just so you can get past the patriarchal notion that women are submissive and men are dominant, and to reverse that takes some kind of force against nature.
As a Domme, I encourage my submissive partner to stay hydrated; to get outside and get some fresh air; to go to bed early; to get off the screens. I reward the clothing choices he makes by telling him how hot he is. I assign him household tasks and thank him when they are complete. I tell him to get naked so I can put bondage straps on him and use his body for my pleasure. But I can’t make him do any of those things.
This is not just the crux of consent, but it is also the crux of our dynamic. He chooses to bend the knee to me. It does not make our dynamic, or our play time, any less sexy, exciting, or fulfilling.
He bends the knee to me because he trusts me, completely. He trusts that I will be fair and consistent. He trusts that I will clearly communicate my wants and needs, and that I will listen to and respect his. He bends the knee because he is actually submissive and doing so – with a trusted partner – is second nature for him.