Guys — just don’t.
I had been texting with a Tinder dude all week. The conversation was interesting and intelligent with just the right amount of exposition. We had a date on Friday to meet for dinner and drinks. I’m not going to lie – he’s a native New Orleanian living in Atlanta and that was a huge part of the initial appeal. We did spend most of our 4 hours together talking about New Orleans and city politics and Katrina and Jazz Fest and all the things. There was definitely a vibe.
He walked me to my car. We talked about my car which is extremely kick-ass. We agreed we had a great time and would definitely like to see each other again. We had a very nice good night kiss. I drove off. We texted each other when we got home safe and said good night.
Somewhere in the middle of the night he decided it would be a good idea to take a video of himself and send it to me. Not a dick pic but a whole video of it. Then later he sent a text apologizing with kind of an LOL attitude saying that he was kind of drunk and just horny. He hoped he didn’t scare me off.
He did not scare me off. He pissed me off. If he had asked for my consent to send that video I would have said no. We are strangers.
Normally I just would have unmatched and blocked and that would have been the end of it. But he is actively parenting his son who lives with him and I couldn’t not say something. Here is what I texted him:
I’m only writing this because you have a son you are actively parenting and I hope you take this as a lesson learned and pass it on to him. If you had asked for my consent to send that video I would have said no. You did not ask for my consent. You sent it like it was no big deal and then barely apologized. I do not accept that level of disrespect from anyone.
My initial draft was a lot longer but as I usually do I trimmed it down to basically the complete answer that I needed to send which is “No”.
I had breakfast with my best friend and was telling her this story. She just shook her head and said “Why do men…” and then trailed off and said “Actually that’s all I’ve got. Why do men?”
Some people say stop dating in the vanilla pool. I can tell you that this experience is not just a vanilla world one. I’ve been disrespected fairly regularly on FetLife as well. In exactly the same way if not the with the exact same material.