My primary caveat remains the same: I speak from a cishet Domme perspective since that’s the only one I’m qualified to address.
I’d recommend reading this article, but you don’t have to if you’d rather just read my thoughts below.
On paper, being on the left side of the slash means getting what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. This can feel especially true in a femdom dynamic because of the pervasive influence of femdom porn mythology.
However…
I can only get what I want, when I want it, and how I want it if I have a submissive who is willing to give it to me. And he is only going to be interested in giving me what I want, when I want it, and how I want it if he is also getting what he wants in return.
So, when someone messages me with the assumption that femdom means “Mistress can do whatever she wants to me,” it’s clear they are viewing femdom through the lens of pornography—or, at best, complete inexperience.
In reality, all relationships—kink or vanilla—are a back-and-forth tension of the needs and wants of all parties involved. Communication skills are key. You have to be able to sit down, express your desires, and accept that there may be some mismatch in priorities and interests.
Relationships that are lopsided don’t last. Resentment builds. Communication dries up. Both parties have to have their needs met and their wants agreed to.