I’m in a Facebook group for women who have chosen not to have children. It’s usually an awesome and frequently hilarious group, and the discussions are really supportive and positive.
Recently, a discussion got rolling about older women dating younger men. I was surprised and delighted at how many women in their 40s and 50s love younger men, and that the reasons were all pretty much the same as mine. The top call-outs for the general age group of 30-40-year-old men were:
- They usually don’t have kids (major MAJOR bonus).
- They embrace going to therapy.
- They are not as racist, classist, homophobic, or misogynistic as previous generations.
- They take better care of themselves physically.
- They have a more flexible view of relationship definitions.
- They are not bothered by women who make more money than they do.
- They are comfortable with the expression of emotions and are supportive of others expressing emotions.
Many older women have high sex drives (myself included), and that was mentioned as well—not so much the stamina (big myth busted right there, BTW) but the interest in fun, exploratory, and fully satisfying sex for BOTH partners.
Obviously, not every single younger man has these qualities. Obviously, there are men closer to my own age who do. But…
While I generally date at least 10 years younger, this last year or so I’ve been dating men in their 30s, and I’m totally here for it. It’s like there was a software update release that these guys got, and men my own age couldn’t because there’s not enough RAM available. My current partner is 23 years younger.
Who’s to say how long-term these relationships will ultimately be? Sometimes the sticking point is that a younger man may indeed want kids someday, and those of us who are childless by choice usually have that in any form as a hard limit. I definitely reject the notion that cultural timeline gaps can’t be overcome—my partner and I sang along to classic Iron Maiden songs in my car once. I saw them in concert before he was born. Him not having seen Raiders of the Lost Ark before meeting me is not a deal-breaker, and if it was, it would be a stupid one. On the flip side, he has hobbies, interests, and things that are his cultural touchstones that I obviously do not. We still manage to talk for hours and hours without losing interest in what the other person is saying or running out of things to talk about.
I don’t date my partner because of his age. He could be 55, and as long as he was just as he is now, age is not the determining factor. But… I’m not meeting 55-year-old men who bring what he brings to our relationship, and I firmly believe it’s a generational thing.
Some women in the discussion chimed in and said they would only date older men, or they themselves were in their 30s and would never date a guy in his 20s. I get that—the prefrontal cortex in humans is not fully developed until generally the late 20s. It’s why younger people make really bad decisions and why it can feel like you are babysitting a 25-year-old, not dating an adult.
At the end of the discussion it was generally agreed that it was great everyone could date who they wanted to and as long as all parties were consenting adults it was live and let live.
Overall though it was a joyous and positive ode to younger men, made by the older women who appreciate them.