My submissive and I have a standing kink night – Tuesdays. We talk about what might be of interest to us and lately we’ve been discussing humiliation.
I am a very visual person. When I think of scenes I think in pictures. I’m also a sadist so I think primarily of physical pain, not emotional pain. I’m also kind of wary of going verbal assault because it can be very triggering, and coming back from “being mean” can be hard for me.
Discussions have been around me telling him what a shit job he does mowing the lawn, or the way he forgets sometimes to put the espresso machine setting back to what I prefer. But those are so minor and I don’t get mad about them. Whenever we have a fail moment I always look at it as a teaching moment. And to be honest – I’d probably laugh if I had to be all “You can’t even figure out how to flip a switch on the espresso machine…”
Sexual humiliation is easier, and easy to pair with physical things like using the humbler and a collar and leash. You’re on your hands and knees and your balls are in a stock and I’m going to tell you how pathetic you look – how this dildo is substantially more satisfying than your pathetic cock, etc. It’s kind of femdom porn fantasy but I can get behind this particular scenario because of the physical parts of it. I can also make him crawl around faster by using a crop.
Along with these scene brainstorming sessions I also check in from time to time and see if there’s anything I can do from a dominant perspective that will make him feel more submissive, day to day. One thing he mentioned is that I can stop asking him to make my tea and start telling him. I’m working on that. I wish I could literally snap my fingers at him but I have osteoarthritis in them and it’s almost impossible. Maybe I’ll start whistling like I do with my dogs…