24/7 FLR D/s dynamic.
You may see that and envision some femdom erotica story in your head. You may think that there are clearly defined rules and structure. You may think that there is a certain level of authority or protocol. You may imagine he kneels on the regular or that I pick out his clothing for him.
I say 24/7 because we live together.
I say FLR because all my relationships – vanilla or kinky – end up being that because of who I am (I follow no man).
I say D/s because one of us is a dominant and the other is a submissive.
I say dynamic because the relationship is : a particular way that two or more people interact with one another determined by context, social roles, etc. (Merriam Webster). I could also just say relationship and it would mean the same.
It means nothing else. There is no “power exchange” or high protocol or anything outside of that very basic, straightforward definition above. I don’t have any more authority than any partner in any relationship has. I don’t manage finances, I don’t decide unilaterally that we’re both moving to New Orleans, or flying to Chicago, or that he’ll wear black instead of purple.
I can say “I like your ass in a jockstrap” and he will wear one because he likes to please me but that’s because of who his is, not because of who I am. But he could not wear a jockstrap and there are no consequences for him making that independent decision.
We both put stuff on the calendar. We talk about which movie we want to go to or what we want to eat. We make dozens of small, joint decisions a week. I have authority over myself, he has authority over himself.
It is so very different from the fantasy that I’m sure it’s super disappointing to some folks. “But FEMDOM!!!” I can hear you cry. But we are not the poster couple for power exchange, or slave collars and high heel boots. Actual kink is just a tiny, tiny fraction of the time we spend together.
It’s a well-documented problem with a website like Fet. There’s a lot of sexy, esoteric discussions that go on, a lot of fantasy as well. People post one-off statuses like “just got my ass pegged for an hour and it was amazing” and suddenly people forget that there was a whole other 23 hours that person lived that looked nothing like that.
You see the photos of my new flogger, or him wrapped up in shrink wrap, or my freshly bootblacked boots and have all kinds of thoughts about what that means for our relationship, but odds are you are completely wrong because that’s your fantasy, not our reality.