As a lifestyle Domme, I have never felt the need to promote myself—not as a top, not as a dominant partner. All of the relationships I’ve been in have been FLR to one extent or another (and the majority were not “kinky”), and I wasn’t even looking for that. They just happened naturally.
I am not changing my wants and needs just to match with someone. There is compromise in the moment, but I won’t be someone I’m not in order to have a mate. I’d rather be solo than do that.
There’s a saying in 12-step programs—“attraction rather than promotion.” It is used to cut down on a couple of potential issues. The first is a cult of personality developing (which does happen from time to time for certain meetings because humans), but also because promotion means publicity, and publicity means potentially having someone seem like a spokesperson for AA (say) and then them being arrested for DUI.
When you’re advised to get a sponsor, you’re told to find someone who has what you want. People can identify at meetings if they are willing to sponsor someone, but you don’t campaign for it. There are those who promote themselves because, again, humans, but humility in all things is kind of the expected behavior.
We see self-promoters in the kink community all the time, and TBH I’m pretty sure statistically they end up being the consent violators more often than not.
I feel pretty strongly that my dominance—my life—is about attraction rather than promotion. I don’t have to promote myself as the world’s best sadist so I can have playthings. I figure if you’re interested in what I’m all about, then you’ll have some interest in coming along for the ride. Otherwise, absorb what resonates with you and leave the rest. I have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone, and I live my life (to the best of my ability) that way.