In a recent conversation I had with a potential vanilla date the question of what kind of guy I find attractive came up (as it does pretty regularly). This was my answer:
- Smart. I love an innate intellect and curiosity about the world.
- Someone who doesn’t take themselves seriously in terms of trying to maintain some persona they’ve cultivated for whatever reason. Too cool, so macho, competitively quirky.
- Men who are comfortable in their skin – they’ve done work on themselves and they know it’s a process not a goal.
You’ll note there’s nothing about height, build, race, or other superficial standards. Of course there are physical characteristics that I find myself attracted to more than others, but a man could check all those visual boxes but if he doesn’t check what I wrote above I’m going to swipe left, as it were.
The only additional requirement when it comes to meeting a man from the kink community is that he has to be submissive. But all of the above still holds true.
NB: Before anyone misreads – I am not saying that the physical is not important to me – it absolutely is. I’ve been alive long enough to know that when someone says “looks aren’t important” they are not being entirely truthful even if they think they are. Genetics require that we mate within a certain pattern of traits that are both basically about survival of the species but also within our own familial genetic trait history. There’s lots of fascinating science around all that an you can Google at your leisure.