I recently took a relationship bonding archetype test from The Bonding Project. I’m usually not really into those things because humans answer in the way that they want to be perceived, not how they actually are, but this test is well-architected and I think my result was pretty spot on.
My result was The Lighthouse – Anchored · Focused · Prioritized · Self-Sufficient.
- My bonding scope style is anchored. I’m not drawn to sprawling social networks or multiple simultaneous romantic connections. One person who truly gets me is way more nourishing than ten surface-level connections.
- When I’m single I’m genuinely content. I don’t experience incompleteness without a partner. I am whole on my own.
- I’m focused in that I stay selective about who gets close to me. I practice intention. Ambiguity is not my friend.
- When I get in a relationship that person becomes my priority focus. I don’t want to spread myself over multiple romantic connections. While early on in a budding relationship I may still be dating, but once I am romantically connected I drop everyone else.
- Self-sufficiency is perhaps my most defining trait. I once had a boyfriend say “My favorite thing about you is that you take care of your shit.” It’s still the best compliment I’ve ever received.
- “Together separately” is my mantra. Either literally – not co-habitating but having a monogamous bond, or living together but maintaining rich exterior lives of our own hobbies, friends, social circles, etc.
- I believe that healthy adults don’t merge; they stay whole while choosing each other.
My service submissive took the test and came back with The Pollinator. That was no surprise either. So much so that after a tough conversation we are reconfiguring our dynamic to lean more into the D/s and not the romantic relationship. I am pursuing a fully monogamous FLR that will ultimately be my primary D/s dynamic.
Personality, relationship, career tests – all of those should be taken with a grain of salt. I found that the long version of my archetype was a little hit or miss because these results definitely look at things through the lens of polyamory – using associated vocabulary and such – rather than a completely neutral tone. Of course you could be a Lighthouse and be open to having a polyamorous partner or one other partner yourself in very certain circumstances.
The way the test is architected and the data validation that goes into the constant updates (and that it was created by licensed therapists) means it is a great resource to help you understand better why you pick who you pick, or maybe why you should be picking someone else.