I don’t think I can give a pat definition, really. I’ve been dominant since the moment I was conceived—it’s simply who and what I am. It shows up in my intimate relationships with men, in my professional life, and in my politics. This whole website is dedicated to my own experience so of course I’ll caveat this by saying – other women have difference ways of defining this for themselves.
Femdom, as represented in mainstream culture, is so defined by pornography that, aside from professional Dominatrixes, those of us who identify as femdoms often struggle against these perceptions. Even within the kink community, we encounter strong, stereotypical ideas of what being a femdom means.
Female dominance is not just an action or activity. It is not about what we do but who we are. When I walk into a room I have an expectation that someone is going to get me a cup of coffee. I have been told on numerous occasions in completely vanilla settings that I have a presence, even without saying anything. Confidently dominant women feel like natural leaders. They are not bossy or domineering.
At a cellular level, I believe female-led is the natural order of the Universe. When I’m surrounded by other dominant women or with my submissive partner, it feels as though, no matter what else is happening, I’m aligned with the greater purpose of Life, the Universe, and Everything. It simply feels right.