I’m a member of the Novices & Newbies group on FetLife because where I can I want to share my knowledge and experience and give back to the community that has had such a profound affect on my life. My number one piece of advice is always for people to get out to a social event or a workshop or demonstration and get to know people if you are serious about exploring this aspect of yourself. If you are just looking to get your rocks off, then head over to Tinder or Feeld and put it out there. FetLife’s primary purpose (aside from making money for the owners) is to build a community.
I hosted a movie night at my house a while back and had friends from three different social circles of my life attend. It was a great group with fun energy and you would not have known that two of us have accounts on FetLife.
I went to a solstice party at a friend’s house last year where I didn’t know anyone other than my friend. By the end of the evening it felt like most of her people are also my people now. I have no idea if any of them are on FetLife, but I know they are allies. They are the kind of people who get to the meat of the conversation and created a safe space for a stranger to be her genuine self.
What you will find when you get off the computer, out of your house, and into the community is a whole host of people that will become your people. They may not have the exact same kinks as you but at the end of the day that actually doesn’t mean a lot. It’s the support and connection of the community that matters. The allies, friends, mentors, mentees. The people you’ll invite over for a movie night or who’ll invite you over for a New Year’s Eve party. The people who create a safe space for you to be your genuine self – all of you.